List written by Daymond John, elaborated on by David Oliphant DRE #01949984
The Trouble Is – You Think You Have Time.
It’s turning out that life is more fragile than any of us wanted to believe. We recently learned a friend, very young, fit and vital, has been diagnosed with stage 4 cancer. Another friend who is our age had a stroke. My dad had yet another heart surgery and over half a million people have passed in the U.S. from Covid. I’ve always been an advocate of living in the present, but how many more signs do we need watching what’s going on in each of our lives?
Here’s a list of things you might want to STOP doing in 2021 –
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Making Excuses – As I once heard Ted Talk speaker Mel Robbins say, “If you don’t want to get out of bed, count down out loud – 3, 2, 1 – sit up and put your feet on the floor and GO. Try it. It actually works. We all make excuses every day, I’m too tired, I don’t know how, it never goes my way, this always happens to me, they don’t like me, I don’t have the money, I’m not flexible, I can’t, I shouldn’t – whatever that tape is you keep replaying in your own head. We all have one, we all do it, but we can also stop doing it. 3, 2, 1, feet on the ground, stand up and start. You CAN change your mind and change that broken record playing in your head.
- Pleasing Everyone – One of my favorite quotes from channeler, Esther Hicks is “Why are we always trying to get it done when it’s never really going to be done?” Interesting question. It is the same with trying to please everyone, it’s never going to happen. Be authentic to who you are and the right people will be happy. If someone is not happy with or for you, take a closer look. Are they an energy drainer or an energy provider in your life? Start to become comfortable with the fact that friendships and relationships revolve, dissolve, evolve and resolve themselves.
- Overthinking – I am a middle of the night list maker, meaning if I think of something that needs to be done, I’ll roll over and write it down so I can “release” it and get back to sleep. But that’s not what I mean here. There is a famous yoga mantra that explains “Fear and excitement are really the same energy; the only shift is the intention you’ve set (or overthinking you’ve done) leading up to it”. Let’s say you’ve landed a new job or are in a new relationship – what reality are you creating by overthinking it? I believe we see what we look for and hear what we listen for. Are you looking at the situation through you “fear” lens or your “excited” lens? The reality will be created by whatever energy you are feeding it.
- Being Afraid – It would be easiest for me to just say re-read points 1-3 on this list, but most of us are afraid of something and I don’t mean spiders. Maybe you are afraid of being hurt, of not succeeding, being wrong, being embarrassed; maybe you are afraid of succeeding and don’t even realize it. It’s a natural human thing to do, so don’t beat yourself up and feel badly about it. To me the questions is, how did we learn to be afraid in the first place? I think it’s like when we witness hate. We are not born knowing how to hate someone or a specific group of people, but somewhere along the way we are taught it. Now, the good news is that both can be unlearned by having an open heart and an open mind both for ourselves and those around us, even strangers. So we make a mistake. Just own it and apologize. You said yes to the wrong job. You can look for a new one. Maybe you get caught doing something silly or embarrassing. You can embrace it and laugh at yourself. Not being afraid can be very impowering.
- Sacrificing Happiness – Taking care of yourself is not selfish, its self-care. When I worked in the corporate arena, I never had vacation time that rolled over year to year, that’s because I always used it up! Taking vacations allowed me to relax, be with friends or nature and reenergize. Some people wore that like a badge of honor, “I have so much vacation time saved up it rolls over year to year” (read because I’m such a dedicated employee, you must not be because you take your vacation time). What? Guilt trip, no thanks! I’d rather take a real trip. Here’s an example: I use to be super active running marathons, triathlons, lifting, yoga. I would leave my office (I was VP of Sales for a very large company) at 5:30pm sharp EVERY NIGHT to go to the gym. Our CEO once said to me “I can’t believe your work comes second to your workouts.” I replied “That’s where you have the order wrong. It’s because I work out and take care of myself that I can actually come back the next morning, be productive and give my best to this company.” He just stared back at me, puzzled. I hope he didn’t wait too long to learn that lesson for himself.
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Fearing Change – I have always thrived on change. I’m not exactly sure why, maybe its in my DNA; I also believe I was born an optimist. I also think it’s what my parents taught me by how they lived their own lives and what they allowed for us. I learned growing up that I was enough just as I was. I had the right to be happy and healthy and that I could do anything I set my mind to. They were right ☺ We all question that concept I suppose, but I really did (and still do) believe all of those things are true. Every time I made the decision to change jobs or make a career move, I met new people and had new experiences that I would never have had otherwise. I remember when we first moved to Half Moon Bay, CA I posted on Facebook that I was “up early teaching yoga at the Ritz Carlton, added a picture of the sun rising over the ocean with #gratitude. A friend commented “not all of us can move to Half Moon Bay and teach yoga” and I thought, how sad to believe that.” I know we all have things in our lives that may be a higher priority such as family or kids in school. But if you wanted to make a change badly enough, wouldn’t you at least try to find a way? To me, change is good, it’s healthy. It’s in my blood, kind of like being an optimist. I am not giving up on either one.
Find what’s in your DNA, in your blood and go for it. Don’t be afraid to be happy, make a change and take risks. Ready? Count with me….3, 2, 1…GO!
